i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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