Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
