By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
