I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
