some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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