Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
