So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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