did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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