i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
