I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
