is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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