youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize