My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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