So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize