In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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