jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
