I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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