ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
