My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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