hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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