The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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