You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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