My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
