I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize