I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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