I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
