Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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