Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I stole a fireplace last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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