But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
