I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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