Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
