Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize