I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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