I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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