Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
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We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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