Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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