Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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