If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
50% drunk capacity currently
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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