Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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