It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
