I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
