I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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