I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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