I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
