I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
