a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize