You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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