omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
