I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
