His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
