How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
