I'm jealous of your bromance
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need to calm my uterus...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
