Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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