oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize