so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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