he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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