Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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