I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
