so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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